i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
