I think my fart just growled at me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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