I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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