Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
