He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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