my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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