im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Life is so much better after having sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
