i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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