When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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