those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
