Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
