never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
