cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
