i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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