Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
