upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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