you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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