My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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