I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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