the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
