dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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