people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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