my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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