I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
