u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
