he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
