Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
