woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
