I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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