His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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