chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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