You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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