Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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