i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
