shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
