My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
