Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
