Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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