So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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