she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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