i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
