I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
