he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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