P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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