I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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