Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
