dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
