i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
