I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
