It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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