So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
