i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
