Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I looked at my own cervix.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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