took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
