I am in a vortex of obligation.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
