he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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