Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
