i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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