you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
