My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
