I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
