she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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