I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize