She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
