bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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