Your tits are I can't wait for
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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