need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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